Am I next?

I shared yesterday about the tragic events of the death of a nephew of mine. I still haven't totally come to grips with the situation, but today I had the chance to visit with the boys mother. His father is deployed and won't be back in town for another day. I have been around people who have lost children. And it is never the same. You would think you would get used to it, but you don't. There are multiple levels of grieving going on. I am grieving because of the loss of a baby that I know. But I am also grieving for his parents. In fact, I grieve more for them. For their broken hearts. Hearing the cries of a parent that has lost a child is something that stays with you forever. The total despair. The anguished cry of a mother is something that shakes you to your bone. Especially if it's someone you care about.

At times like that, you are at a loss for words. You know you can say something, but it's really not registering to the person that you are intending them for. So I've found that it's best just to be quiet. I am reminded of the Psalmists words': Be still and know that I am God. Just to sit there with them quietly. I don't subscribe to the belief that we should hold it in. I know it's a Samoan custom to be strong. To hold it in. But I believe that grieving is a natural process that has to be played out. And everyone grieves at their own pace. Their own style. Some people take comfort in work. They go right back to work to take their minds off of the loss and to get back to a routine. Others take days, weeks off. They can't leave the house. Or they can't return to the house, if the loved one died at home. We shouldn't dictate how people grieve. I know that if we have children and others looking to us for leadership that we should be strong for them. But we must also be allowed to grieve.

I have two natural born brothers and Faga, our adopted brother. My family took him in and he is like a son to my parents. All three of my brothers have now lost children at very young ages, before they turned three. And all of them died accidental deaths. I often think these deaths are harder in a sense to comprehend because there's a lot of blame and finger pointing that goes on. The danger is when people start to play the what if game. What if I had gotten off earlier? What if I had stayed home that day? What if...what if...what if? At my niece's funeral three years ago, my brother who was the first to lose a child gave the eulogy on behalf of my family. He said that having lost two grandchildren, some might say that my family is cursed somehow. But he said that he believed that my family was blessed. Blessed because God tests those that He intends to use for His greater purposes. And that people that are tested often become stronger in the long run. Last night, I said to Go..."no more tests please. No more."

I have always considered myself a mature Christian who's faith is strong and has been tested by fire. But the creeping feeling that came over me was...Am I next? Will I suffer the same fate as my brothers? Are we really cursed? I felt guilty for having those thoughts because it showed a lack of faith. Perhaps it's just my way of grieving. But I know that those are fading doubts. And I believe with every fiber of my body that everything that happens to us happens for a reason. That our time on this earth is temporary and that the Lord has already prepared a place for us to come to at a time of His choosing. I know that. But it still hurts. It still aches.

Adonijah - The Lord is my God

When we suffer pain and loss, we often ask 'If God is with us, why has this happened?' Sadly, we also tend to question if God really loves us. For if a father loves his children, then why would God let us feel pain as great as this. The Bible supplies no explanation of the events that take place in our daily lives. I've searched over and over and it doesn't tell me why this happened or that happened. But what it does tell me is how to deal with situations, particularly how to deal with adversity. But we can hold fast to the words of Isaiah: 'Who walks in darkness and has no light? Let him trust in the name of the Lord.'

In fact, the Bible tells us over and over that this life is filled with pain. Jesus told us directly that in this world, we will suffer. We will face tragedies. But don't let tragedy steal your trust in God. When all things seem to be against you, remember that God is for you. I find it strangely comforting that when Jesus faced pain, He responded much as I do. It comforts me that He cried when His friend Lazarus died. It tells me that He cares. He feels the pain of death, of loss, of separation. I know that the world we live in is our temporary home, but it still does not make the sting of death any less. I know that we will all be reunited in heaven one day. But it doesn't fill he void in your life and the aching of your heart.

Last night at approximately 8pm, death visited my family once again. My brother Faga's youngest son Adonijah was called home to be with the Lord. To compound the tragedy, Faga is currently serving his second tour in Iraq. He would have been home next week for his R&R. Now he gets to come home for a very different reason. Please keep him and Crystal and their boys in your prayers. My father named Adonijah. It is a Hebrew word that means 'The Lord is my God.' A beautiful name for a beautiful baby boy. Let his name be our comfort in this dark hour: 'The Lord is my God.'

Lessons from the road

Just returned from a weekend in New Mexico tired, but refreshed. There were several lessons I learned this weekend. I've shared with you before the importance of getting away to recharge and renew physically and spiritually.

The last getaway I had we flew out to California. This time we drove to New Mexico. There's definitely a big difference between flying and driving. I spent a total of twenty hours on the road. It was soothing in its own right. I got to observe the scenery. Granted, there's not much scenery in west Texas and New Mexico. But upon second glance, there was quite a lot. There mountains and canyons, lakes and rivers, and plains and plateaus. I know, it sounds like vocabulary from Geography class, but it made me realize how vast our world is. I often read about how overcrowded our world is becoming, but you wouldn't notice it from driving just a few hours in one little corner of the world. There is so much land out there that the wildlife can roam untethered for days. It's just awesome how vast the works of our Lord is. He did this all in just seven days.

As big as the world seems, it also made me realize just how small I am in the greater scheme of things. But as small as I am, God loved me enough to send His only begotten Son to die for me. The Bible says that before we were even born, Christ died for us. I want to say what a wonderful drive my family and I had Sunday. And I owe a lot of it to a good friend of mine, Mr. V, who was kind enough to load our IPOD with over 4,000 songs. And just Samoan songs. We were able to listen to different spiritual albums during the entire ten hours. From LMS choirs, to Catholic choirs, to Pentecostal groups. You name it, we probably listened to it. Music has the power to take you places in different ways. I felt like I was in church with the Malaeloa choir. I felt like I was at a revival listening to Mana o Vi'iga. Or at a mafutaga listening to the Samoa College choir. Music moves, encourages, motivates and comforts.

So on a Sunday afternoon, take a drive out into the country. Admire the works of God's hands and thank Him for all He has done for you. Take a CD of gospel music, or better yet take an IPOD and load it up with all your favorites. Beautiful music, in the company of those you love, out in nature. What more could you ask for?

Lessons at an amusement park

As I write this, my daughter is sleeping blissfully on the bed next to me in our hotel room in Albuquerque. What a day we spent. We took her to her first amusement park today. We were kind of worried that she might be too scared of the rides. Boy were we wrong. She was fearless. My mom would warn me now to stop bragging on my daughter, but there was simply no fear in her. She wanted to go on this big ride called Rocket something, but she was too short of the height requirement.

I was about to escort her to the bumper cars, but she let go of my hand and looked at me and said, "I can do it myself daddy." With that, she smiled and ran off to the ride. My sisters would call me drama-queen, but my heart skipped. I couldn't help but to think that this is the slippery slope of my little girl growing up. And way too fast. I know it was just one incident, but it's a metaphor for our children growing up way too fast. Before I know it she'll be telling me that she can do it herself driving the car, finding a college, or walking down the aisle. OK, scratch that last one off because that's one thing she CAN'T do herself. LOL

The other thing I can't get out of my head is her looking for me as she circled the rides and saying, 'Daddy.' And this is the happiest I've seen her in a while, and made me realize how happy I was. My happiness is intricately tied to hers. All the cares of the world slipped away. I quietly thanked God for His blessings. If God called me home tomorrow, I'd go a happy man. Often times we look to big things, big achievements, big accolades to validate ourselves. But God shows us that it's in the simple joys in life that give it real meaning. My daughter rode a roller coaster today. And it meant the world to me.

Crouching tiger

A lot of you know that I'm a history teacher. I've always been fascinated by history and politics ever since I can remember. In fact, I've always thought that the two dream jobs for me would be as a football announcer or as a host of my own political talk show. I haven't gotten a talk show, but I love having debates in my classroom about politics and current issues. Suffice it to say I follow current events pretty closely.

I don't know if you've followed the case of Harvard professor Louis Gates. He's a distinguished professor at Harvard that had a brush with the law last week. Upon returning from a trip to China, he had trouble getting into his house. He had his driver help him unjam the door to get in. A neighbor, upon seeing this, called the police because she thought they were trying to break into his house. When the police arrived, Professor Gates was incensed. I might add here that Gates is an African American who specializes in the study of race relations in America. He was enraged that the police would question whether he owned this house. The policeman asked him for his id and initially he refused. He got on the phone and demanded to talk to the chief of police. He accused the responding officer of being a racist. He followed the officer outside and berated him in front of neighbors and other officers. After repeatedly ignoring the police's instructions to calm down, they arrested him for disorderly conduct.

This case made headlines because President Obama chose to comment on it and took Gates' side, even going so far as calling the police "stupid." Putting aside all the racial, political aspects of the case, and there are plenty, I wanted to focus on the human element. Anger is a normal human emotion that we all feel. In fact, it would be UNhuman not to feel it. But how we deal with our anger is vital for us to be healthy human lives.

The Biblical story of Cain and Abel provides a vivid illustration of what can happen when we let our anger get the best of us. It can control us cause us to do things we wouldn't normally do. I would venture to say Mr. Gates doesn't make it a habit of berating police officers everyday. But he was angry at what he perceived was racist treatment. Again, putting that to the side, the way he reacted was a poor role model for our children. Every time you fly off the handle, we're telling our kids it's OK to do this. The Bible says that sin, such as anger, is crouching behind a door ready to pounce if we give into it. We all have issues of self control that we must deal with. But letting our tempers get the best of us is something that we can work on with a lot of prayer and meditation. And if a cop ever asks you something, ALWAYS comply. If he was in the wrong, it can always be sorted out later.

You can call me Al

We had a guest preacher on Sunday from Malua Theological Seminary. His theme was on the power of the tongue. More specifically, the power of the spoken word. He said that the tongue is the smallest organ in the human body, yet it is the most powerful because it controls speech. Speech is such a powerful weapon that its effects cannot be underestimated. It has the power to inspire, to convert and to overcome insurmountable obstacles. It can life the human spirit to such wondrous heights and encourage the heart and mind to reach for the stars, literally. Words have the power to change the course of history. It can inspire like the works of Shakespeare or instruct like the Bible.

But it can also be a vehicle for evil. It can cause people to kill millions of their fellow man, like Hitler's 'Mein Kampf' did. It can cause people to enslave others, as the Communist Manifesto did. And it can encourage abhorrent behavior that can lead to the breakdown of the families, found in much of the music and movies found in today's pop culture. Words do indeed have power. The choice is ours to make. Do we use it for good? Or do we use it for bad?

Speaking of words, an event happened recently that has to do with words, sort of. On our last trip out to California, my family decided to bestow upon me a chiefly title. For those of you unfamiliar with Samoan culture, there are still chiefs in Samoan culture. They act as heads of clans and attend to the affairs of the clan. This is done mainly in being the spokesmen for the clan in ceremonial events. They also are leaders in bringing the clan together in times of crisis or in times of special events. One of the essential skills that chiefs need is the ability to speak in the ceremonial Samoan language. I have been thinking about becoming a chief for sometime. I don't know what the normal age is for a chief, but it's one of those things that kind of signifies your entering another stage in life.

It is a tremendous responsibility and honor. I am humbled that my family would think enough of me to allow me to be one of the family chiefs. Now, mind you, my title is not a high title. In fact, it's one of the lower ranking ones because it's a brand new title that our high chief made specifically for me. But it is a chiefly title nonetheless. It doesn't mean that I am any different than the person I was before I received the title. It doesn't mean I'm any better. But it does mean that I represent not only my immediate family, but extended clan. I pray that God anoints me with the true love of family that this title requires. I pray that God grants me the words to speak that is appropriate for any occasion. I pray that I become a positive role model for Him in all that I do. And if you could also pray for me, I would greatly appreciate it. My chief title is Teuimaotaifaletauleanavofaoa. I know it's a mouthful. So it will be shortened to Teuimaota. But you can still call me Al, as the song says.

Big picture

I was reading God's Daily Word the other day and it talked about the story of Naomi and Ruth. That story is so rich and full of life lessons. It's like so much of the Bible, it teaches you something new everytime you read it depending on the juncture of your life you are at. Sometimes you're Ruth. Sometimes you can empathize with Naomi. Other times you're Boaz. Sometimes you're back in Canaan. Other times you're stuck in the foreign land of Moab. Sometimes you're poor like when Ruth and Naomi first came back to Canaan. Other times you are sitting pretty married to Boaz.

When they first returned to Canaan, the two ladies had it rough. It is written that they lived off the discarded food left by the farmers. In other words, the leftovers. No man around to help them. To say they had a hard time is to put it mildly. I often find myself asking if they ever felt like giving up? Did they feel as if the misery they were going through had a purpose? Did their lives have a purpose or a meaning? What would Ruth tell you if you told her that her grandson would one day be the greatest king of Israel? Or that her lineage would lead directly to the Savior of mankind? Do you think she would believe you?

What about us? When we go through struggles or difficulties, can we say that there is a greater purpose in this? That God has a plan that will make things work out in the end? Because that's what the Bible says; God will work for the good of those who believe in Him. It's hard for us to have an eternal perspective; that things that bother us now will be meaningless when we stand before God. A speeding ticket is meaningless when you stand before God, but it's everything if you're struggling financially and its another burden added to you. Not getting that new pair of shoes is not a big deal from an eternal perspective, but its a big deal to your son or daughter who goes to bed crying because you didn't get it for them. Things that seem major now will be minor in eternity. The struggle for us is to maintain that frame of mind. We live in the here and now, but we are running towards eternity. Discard all things that will hinder your run towards that goal. There's no sense in winning this race, but not making it to the eternal race. That's the only one that counts.