Happy Adversity

Yesterday my wife and I celebrated our ninth wedding anniversary. We had to stop and ask ourselves where the time went. On our trip to California this past weekend, we saw one of the flower girls for our wedding. When she came for our wedding, she was fixin' to start school. Now she's half way through high school. Time sure does fly.

We've been really blessed. I thank God everyday for his blessings in our lives. We have good jobs, a loving family support system and a great community to live in. As wonderful as the fellowship was with family and the weather was in California, nothings beats home. In fact, when we first arrived in San Diego, my daughter said she wanted to move there. But by Sunday night, she told me, "daddy, let's go home. I miss my house." And off course I thank God for my daughter. She's brought unspeakable joy to our lives. I didn't know I had that much capacity to love. In talking with friends and classmates who are all now parents, the same thought came through. It's all about our kids and their lives now. I guess it's what they call the maturation process.

As blessed as we've been, we haven't been spared our tough times. We've been challenged in more ways than I can count. I had my bout with cancer. Tile lost a brother and I lost a niece. And the normal things couples go through. But I'm reminded of the story about an old man that got an anniversary card from his grandson that said, "Happy Adversity." The grandsons' 'mistake' was actually a pretty accurate summation of how the Christian life is sometimes.

We make the mistake that when we become Christians we should expect an easy life. But that is far from the truth. In fact, we are told to expect hardships and trials. Jesus tells us that in this life, there will be trouble. And not only that, we should consider our trials as "pure joy." The Bible teaches us that adversity is a wonderful teacher that brings about perseverance. And perseverance brings about faith. So whatever hardships we go through, there's a purpose for it. And remember that God will never put you through what you cannot bear. So don't be offended if somebody wishes you 'Happy Adversity.'

Down and out

I've been battling a bad case of the flu since returning from San Diego a couple of days ago. I don't know if I brought back some swine flu or not. LOL I am only now recovering to the point that I can come online. My wife calls me the big whiner when I'm sick. She's right. But in my defense, I tend to have bad cases of the flu. I don't get sick often, but when I do, watch out.

Many of us struggle with thoughts of God in times of sickness. When the pain becomes unbearable at times, we question whether some action of ours has caused this affliction to b visited upon us. Did we do something to deserve this? Is it payback for something? It's natural, but I think unwise to have thoughts such as these. God doesn't punish/reward us like that. He is a merciful God who loves us all. Sickness and illness are a part of life, just as breathing and sleeping are. We all get sick and we all feel weak at times. I'm just thankful that I have a God to turn to in those times of need. Whose words comfort us.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. and Mrs.....

I just got back from my trip to California. I went out there for a family wedding. Had a wonderful time of fellowship and reuniting with family. There's a joke in my family that we don't take vacations or trips, we just go to fa'alavelave's. Those are our vacations. Perhaps it's true of your family as well. Anyways, these get togethers always end up being mini reunions. Time to catch up with family members from far and wide. This occasion was no different. These are also memorable for things that happened during the events. Someone will get lost driving the UHAUL with all the fine mats, or someone gets a little carried away at a bachelor party or bridal shower. Always makes for fond memories at the next gathering.

My dad conducted the ceremony at the wedding this past weekend. It was a pretty big wedding for close to 500 guests. It was held outdoors on the seashore overlooking the Pacific Ocean. The setting was priceless. The flowers were beautiful. Even the music was inspiring. A picture perfect wedding, if I may say so myself. There were also moments of levity. The PA system didn't work, so the old man had to almost scream to be heard. And if you've done any kind of public speaking, you know the speaking loudly throws off your rhythm, your natural speaking cadence. To top it off, it was close to 90 degrees out doors and the old man had a heavy gown on. To say he was battling the elements is an understatement. The old man has a terrible memory. As far back as I can remember, he has a really bad memory. Sometimes he'd forget names of his grand kids. Forget nieces and nephews. At the end of the ceremony, when he was about to present the newlyweds, he said: "Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. and Mrs. .....and there was a pause. He forgot the groom's last name. But he quickly recovered by saying Dennis, the groom's first name. LOL I've got to give him credit, because he was also against a time crunch. The ceremony had started about an hour late because some members of the wedding party arrived late. It turned out really nice though. Praise God.

Having a beautiful wedding is much different than having a beautiful marriage. The wedding's the easy part. The marriage is more difficult. It takes commitment, understanding and forgiveness. The old man said during his abbreviated meditation that you can't get something that you don't give away first. He told the couple, if you want love, give it away first. If you want compassion, give it away first. If you want humility, give it away first. If you want forgiveness, give it away first. He told them to base their family on the Godly love that Paul spoke about in Corinthians in his chapter on love. He said everything else fades. Beauty, charm, looks. All that's left is Godly love. Romantic love is also fickle. But Godly love sees you through sickness and health. Through richness and poverty. Through agreement and disagreement. And may I add, through fa'alavelave's. LOL Weddings are sometimes made in heaven, but marriages have to be worked out on earth.

Sorry isn't enough

We're travelling to San Diego for a weekend getaway. My cousin's getting married so it's a wonderful time of meeting up with family and getting to relax a little in one of the best cities in America. Escaping Texas' heat in the middle of July is an added bonus.

My daughter's been excited about the trip for some time. She's going to be a flower girl and she's already got her shoes. While packing tonight, though, my wife's had a hard time to get her to do things. I don't know if it's her excitement from the trip or she's just being a normal four year old, but she's been really bad tonight. When I finally stepped in to get her to do what she's supposed to do, she yelled at me. Or raised her voice as she would say later. Obviously unacceptable behavior. So I punished her. Because some of you may work for Social Services, I won't go into detail. LOL Part of the punishment was the threat of not taking on her on the trip. The tears started to stream down her face. Not during the other phases of the punishment, only when it was threatened she wasn't going.

She has a habit of doing this. I'm sure every child does it, but I've noticed a pattern here. Misbehavior, followed by punishment, followed by remorse. But then the pattern starts all over again. I'm sure my parents are like, get a taste of your own medicine buddy. But it got me to thinking that this must be how God views us sometimes. The Israelites would stray from Him and disobey and dishonor Him. They would bring burnt offerings and think everything was OK. Well it wasn't. God told them that I don't desire your offerings and sacrifices. What I desire is your repentant heart. What good are your sacrifices and offerings if you're just going to repeat the pattern again.

So with that in mind, I looked through the tears and told her sorry wasn't enough. I wasn't going to forgive her immediately. That she had to demonstrate remorse and not to return to the pattern of behavior that caused her to be punished. She looked at me, probably confused from all the words, and said..."Does that mean I get to go to California?" I guess it's going to take a little more work. I told her no...not yet. She would have to prove she was really sorry by changing her behavior. SO if you receive a call from me asking to babysit a four year old, you know the behavior hasn't stopped. LOL It's hard, and I can imagine how hard it is for God to look at us and say...no, prove your remorse by truly repenting. Because sometimes, sorry isn't enough.

Venting session

I shared with you yesterday the wonderful time of fellowship I had over the holiday weekend. I was able to reconnect with close friends and make new ones. I was able to fellowship with people I hadn't seen in a while and those that I see often, but don't really get a chance to sit down with and get to "visit"...it's a Texas word for fellowship.

But there was one acquaintance that I had a difficult time with. I asked how they were doing because I had seen them in a while. And this person hit me full speed; everything that came out of her mouth was negativity and bitterness. Basically, she said she'd had it with our community. She was tired of...and then proceeded to tell me all the things she didn't like. As she was "venting" to me, I couldn't help but feel sorry for her. She was not at a happy place in her life. I was wondering if there was any joy in her life. I was trying to figure out what had made her so angry, so bitter. She wasn't always this way. Was it my fault? Did I contribute to her negative outlook on things? I consider myself a generally positive person, but you never know how your actions can be interpreted by others.

I tried to encourage her, but I don't think it was getting through. I finally told her, if you're so unhappy, why don't you find another community? Or another church? If your needs aren't met here, then you should go to where they are. I don't think she was expecting that response. Perhaps she wanted me to validate her feelings. I wasn't going to because I don't feel that way. Yes, our community has some glaring weak spots. But we also have some strengths that you don't find in other communities. The thing I told her was she would have to balance the bad with the good. If the good outweighed the bad, stay and try to make things better. If the bad outweighed the good, leave and find a better place.

I always encourage people to put themselves in the best position in life. Especially when it comes to your spiritual life. If you feel you have a particular weakness, don't put yourself in a spot where that weakness is exploited. If you're an alcoholic, don't hang out at bars. If you're a gambler, don't visit casinos. Avoid areas where you will be tempted to sin. And if a particular church is not feeding you spiritually, go to one that does. Life is too short, and your spiritual life too important for you not do what is best for you and your family. Pray to God to give you the answers. Sometimes when you weigh things, it's better for you to stay and try to make things better. Sometimes it's better to leave and start fresh. Only God's wisdom can give you the answer you desire. I pray for my friend, that she gets the peace that she's seeking. Whether it's in this community or not.

A time of fellowship

It's been a long weekend. In the past couple of days I've really enjoyed some great fellowship. The holidays are a great time to get reconnected with friends and family and this past 4th of July was no exception. I was able to relax, spend some quality time with family and friends that I hadn't seen in a while or at least spend some time with lately.

The Christian term for "hanging out" is fellowship. It's also an important concept in our faith. Some may question what the big deal is. After all, what could be so important about getting together with friends. The Bible thinks it a critical issue. It encourages Christians to gather as often as possible. This is done so that we can encourage one another and bear each other's burden. It's a time to catch up with friends and family. What I mean is not get the latest gossip, but rather to find out what's going on in their lives. Some of them are doing wonderfully. Others are going from day to day. And yet others are struggling, barely able to stay above water.

It is for that purpose that we fellowship, so we can find out what our brothers and sisters need. Some times it's just a friendly ear to listen as we "vent" our frustrations with our current situation. Some times it's advice they're seeking on a problem they may be facing. Some times it may be something more significant. But the point is to be there for each other. I experienced all of those this past few days. I talked to people that were visiting from out of town. I talked to people that live in town, but whom I seldom get a chance to connect with lately. And I talked to people that I don't normally fellowship with, but for the chance encounter of being at the same place these past few days. Fellowship is not just about being together. It's about being there for each other. Finding out the needs and concerns of our brothers and sisters. It's not a gripe session or a gossip session. But it's time to be there for each other. Pray for each other. Celebrate each other. Fellowship is a wonderful gift God gives His children. Use it often.

Last dance

I'm listening to Luther Vandross's song "Dance with my father again." I don't know if that's the title, but that's the chorus line that sticks out to me. One of the lines of the song says...I would play a song that never ever ends. It's a very moving song that talks about having a girl reminiscing about her father after he's gone. She wishes she could dance with him, just one more time. It's a song of regret at not taking advantage of the opportunities life presents us with. Little did the girl know that her father would be taken away so suddenly. It's playing on the page of a good friend of mine who recently lost her father. Tears streamed down my face as I thought of her and her siblings with the words of this song playing.

We all have relationships that we struggle with in life from time to time. I too struggle with my relationship with my father. There are issues there that I pray to God to resolve in my heart. But listening to this song makes me realize just how short life really is. And how really short it can be when we lose people we love. The Bible says that there is a time for everything. A time for joy and a time for sorrow. A time for peace and a time for war. A time to be born and a time to die.

Tomorrow, my sister leaves us. She's moving to Maryland with her husband. This is difficult for my family because it's the first time one of the siblings has left. True, we all went away for college. But we all returned home after. But this is the first time that someone from our family will move and settle out of state. I've known about the move for some time and didn't think much about. I knew it was inevitable because my sister is married to a soldier and that's part of the life of the military - moving from place to place. But it wasn't until the last couple of days that the move really hit me. My sister has always been there to support my parents, the ministry and all of us. Whatever was needed, I knew I could count on her to come through. Same thing with my youngest sister, although she's going through a phase...what else is new. LOL But my older sister Vali was there taking care of my parents for the last few years. Now the torch will be passed to the baby of the family. May God have mercy on them. LOL They will be missed. Her voice in the choir. Her smile in infectious persona by her Sunday School class. And her quiet support in our family. What I will miss most is her laugh. She has a laugh that melts your heart and brings joy to you. Her husband has also been a real blessing. Taking care of our parents and supporting the ministry. I know that where ever God leads, He will feed. And where He guides, He will provide. I pray for God's blessings on them and their family on their new journey.

What I've learned from this is to treasure the moments you have with loved ones. Whether it's family meals or get togethers or fa'alavelave's. Take time to tell those you love that you love them. That you treasure them and that they mean the world to you. Don't wait for the next song to dance with them. Dance now. That next song may never come.